Let me clarify that right off by stating that I do not have breast cancer. When I say, “I am walking in support of myself,” that is not at all what I mean.
Still working back into my training groove after an ugly Week 13 — a big ol’ goose egg on the training miles — I’m feeling a bit doubtful about my ability to stick it out for 20 miles a day for three days. (I’m trying to think of it in terms of 20 3-mile walks as opposed to three 20-mile walks. That helps. A little bit. 60-Mile Men’s Mr. October 2009 Larry talked about that in his “Underground Guide to Breast Cancer Walks”. Thanks, Larry, for that perspective. And thanks, John W., for repeating it.)
So, I was chatting with my mom about said doubts and she came up with a new mantra that’s sure to get me through should all else fail. According to my mom, I should chant to myself, “Meanie is a bitch. Meanie is wrong about me.”
We weren’t even talking about Meanie specifically. Just doubt in general. But after I finished laughing, I realized that’s not a bad mantra. As petty and self-indulgent as it might sound, I will not — cannot — let Meanie be even a tiny bit right. As much as I try to deny it, I’ve already let her plant the seeds of doubt. It’s time to weed the garden.
So, in addition to walking in memory of DeNeane, and in support of Wendy, Sharon, Laura and whomever else I add to the list, I am also walking in support of myself.
I am walking because I don’t have breast cancer. I am walking because my mother and my sister do not have breast cancer. I am walking to raise awareness about a horrible disease that claims far too many lives. I am walking to improve my own health — both physical and mental. I am walking to challenge myself on every possible level.
When it comes right down to it, I am walking because I can. And yes, I can — and will — do this, Meanie. So there! I’m not just telling you; I’m reminding myself.
I already have more reasons than I can count — probably more than I even consciously know about — to see this through. This is just one more, and an intensely personal (albeit mildly selfish) one at that. Nobody, and I mean nobody, tells me what I can and cannot do. (You thought I was going to say, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” Didn’t you?)
As Larry wrote on the cover of his “Underground Guide to Breast Cancer Walks,” “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard … is what makes it great.”
It’s the great that I’m counting on. The event will be great. The people will be great. I … will be great.
With that in mind, I have a question for Meanie. What have you done that’s great? *crickets* Yeah, that’s what I thought.
How’s that for a mental weed-wacking?
To help me hang on to that and to remind myself that one of the reasons I am walking is simply for me, one of the bracelets I’ll be wearing is going to say “Meanie is a bitch. Meanie is wrong. So there!”
What are your mantras? (Thank you, Rikki, for reminding me to ask!)
Can you believe how much we psych ourselves out?? My team was walking 20 miles last weekend & I had to stop after 18. I was so upset when I got home that I actually started to cry. Instead of celebrating the success of actually walking 18 miles, I was disappointed in myself for not finishing my 20 mile goal. But it was friends like you that made me feel better and for that, I am so very grateful.
By the way, I love that you are walking in support of yourself. You’re amazing.
I’m sorry it took me so long to read this post because it’s amazing, Cat. I think it’s really interesting how easily we can sell ourselves short…ignore significant accomplishments because it’s just not “enough.” Yes, like you, I have been struggling with training significantly! But instead of focusing on all the other achievements, I say, “Bad Jami! You ONLY walked three miles today instead of the eight you were supposed to.” How crazy is that. How about, “HOORAY! You walked five days this week!?!? AMAZING!” OR “You raised $2,800! I didn’t even know you could do that!” OR “You have how many 3-Day friends that you’ve never met but manage to inspire you and hundreds of others everyday?!?” Those are some pretty amazing things too I think.
From one fat girl to another – the fact that you signed up, have been training and are committed to doing your best are all that matters. There is no shame in the sweep van – that’s what I tell myself when I think there is no way that I’ll be able to make it or when I’m fearful that I’ll be the last one in everyday. The fact that you are brave enough to go throught this journey speaks volumes.
Hey gorgeous,
Great post…
Your Walk will be fantastic, because you will make it fantastic! The first time is always special, and I envy the fact that you still have it in front of you…
What makes it all so special isn’t the miles, or the food, or the porta-potties, or the inspirational music, or the tents, or the signs, or the porta-potties (did I mention those?). What makes it so special is the people, people like you, who decided to show up and make a difference. People who decide that they are going to matter, that they are going to take a stand in the fight and not sit idly by…
You Go Girl!
You’ve got a great outlook, Cat! The event is so much different than the training actually is. Since there are so many pit stops/grab and go stops, cheering stations etc, you always have the opportunity to rest, hydrate, pee, snack and move on to the next 3 miles. I’m not going to say it is easy, because it isn’t. However, you WILL make it. I promise. You’ve got this, and we will be here cheering you on.
Cat – Great post! Can I steal most of it and pretend I wrote all of these amazing things?? ; )
Meanie IS wrong. You CAN do this! You are doing a great job with your training. Not only are getting in as much walking as you can. But you are doing your cross training as well! Just think of how far you’ve come from your days of “pre-training”. Remember this?
http://cats3dayadventure.com/2010/04/just-did-my-1st-mile-does-it-count/?utm_source=Arkayne.com&utm_medium=Plugin&utm_campaign=FatGirlWalkin
How far removed from that are you now?? FAR!
You go girl! I am proud of the great strides you’ve made! (hee hee pun)
You are incredible. I’ve always trained – not always as much as I should – and I’ve always made it. I hurt, it’s hard, but you will do it. We all believe in you.
“I am walking because I don’t have breast cancer. I am walking because my mother and my sister do not have breast cancer. I am walking to raise awareness about a horrible disease that claims far too many lives. I am walking to improve my own health — both physical and mental. I am walking to challenge myself on every possible level.”
I LOVE THIS!!!!
I had a lot of worries before my first 3-Day walk in 2008. I was blistering more than I thought appropriate when I did road walks — but I simply packed extra moleskin and headed for the starting line anyway.
I didn’t exactly set any speed records that year — my teammates were not fast walkers, to say the least — and I did blister badly. But I focused on having a good time and on talking to as many people as possible, and I learned a lot in the process.
Unless you’re *SO* un-trained that you pull up short with a muscle strain or stress fracture, you WILL get there. Even if you wind up walking with the caboose… and there’s no shame in that.
“As they say in the airborne girls….” Funny I was thinking about meanie today and wondering if she knew you had passed the ten mile mark…and don’t forget FB’s ‘weed-wacking’ term.
Too bad there was no atcual demonstration on video But the concept I think is great, no wonder that they already have plenty of investors interested. Every good idea tends to be noticed very soon after creation. As I always say – there is a formula for success, and those who know it well, can success in just about anything.
Years ago I read in a book while I was preparing for my first marathon the concept of a “mental drill sergeant”, basically someone you keep in your mind that yells at you to keep going when you start to fade. I use my mental drill sergeant frequently during long walks alone and even during regular workouts. Recently she has taken the form of Jillian Michaels yelling in my brain.
I also use the phrase a training buddy told me years ago: “No is not an option.” You’re doing great, Cat and never ever give up no matter what life throws at you!
Another stunner of a post. Go, Cat!
I’m not saying not to take training seriously. But at the same time, don’t let it psych you out.
You are absolutely right to think of this as 20 3-mile walks. Each day, you’ll receive a route card as you scan out. Tuck it in your credential holder and get to know it well. Refer to it as often as necessary. And check in with yourself. That’s how I got through all of Day 3 last year: “I can do 2.5 miles.” Pit stop. “I can do 2.7 miles.” Pit stop. “I can do 2.7 miles,” etc.
Chunk it up. Get to the next stop if you can. And if you can’t, sweep.
It’s awesome to expect yourself to walk all 60 miles. I encourage everyone to walk as much as they can, to push themselves just a little bit further than they think they can go. You discover a lot about yourself that way.
But as I’ve said before, you’re awesome just for showing up. If you walk every mile, that’s awesome. If you don’t walk every mile, that’s awesome, too.
Think about all the people who *aren’t* doing this. *You* are.
Let it unfold when it arrives.
Until then, don’t fret.
Cat – you’re right. We’re walking because we can. We can do this. I did my first 18 mile walk yesterday – I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I did it. I recruited friends to walk with me, and their support made it doable. You can do it. I believe in you, and so does every single person who has donated money to you. We can do it!